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7 Aug 2011

my heart

who knows the pain inside my heart
who knows how many problem i passed it myself
who knows my feeling ?
some words is bothering my mind till now
hurtful ~

honestly, my boyfriend was gangster before
he liked to drinks, fight, smoke, n many more
but now i really can see
he smoke lesser, no fighting, no drinks
people may think i am stupid to be with him
i just don't really understand . is it because his past ?
or now he still do something that make me disappointed. can somebody tell me the truth ?
i just don't want to be lied and i also don't want to be a person that believed without proved
i know people who told me is for my own good. i just can't understand is there any proved that he really lied me n do that ? i need it because i hate to have that feeling. i want to trust him but i scared i would be hurt, i want to believed what other people said but it has no proved so it's unfair for me n him. so my position is between should or not
but when i asked, nobody tell me where the words come from and ask me not to think that matter again
saying is easy, but who know how hard to forget it
i just wish i could like other girl who don't care what people said
swear,i really want

sometimes i really scared to believe a person that would hurt me, will he ?
he's nice n care towards me, he put his time to work n me
all i want, he'll try to make it for me. n he also not a guy that unfilial to his parents
just because sometimes his bad tempered n he is a very jealousy n sensitive person
and i am a stubborn person
he like to say he's not as important as my friend
that's why we often quarrel
not i am at his side. all i said is truth.
i said to him a relationship need Trust
but i realized i also not trust him because of some matter
i can see his effort. but i just scared it's all a fake
i really want to give up sometimes but is it worthy ? 
so so tired ........
i'm too stupid to worry so many things. i hate to pretend like nothing
it's toughful, i wonder who can understand my feeling now
i really feel better after i type it down all

how great if i can ask GOD some question about him
did he ever lied me or will he lie me ?
did he really love me ?
will he make me disappointed ?
does he really like what people said ?
 \
i know GOD can't answer me, just the time prove everything </3

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