my heart

who knows the pain inside my heart

who knows how many problem i passed it myself

who knows my feeling ?

some words is bothering my mind till now

hurtful ~

honestly, my boyfriend was gangster before

he liked to drinks, fight, smoke, n many more

but now i really can see

he smoke lesser, no fighting, no drinks

people may think i am stupid to be with him

i just don't really understand . is it because his past ?

or now he still do something that make me disappointed. can somebody tell me the truth ?

i just don't want to be lied and i also don't want to be a person that believed without proved

i know people who told me is for my own good. i just can't understand is there any proved that he really lied me n do that ? i need it because i hate to have that feeling. i want to trust him but i scared i would be hurt, i want to believed what other people said but it has no proved so it's unfair for me n him. so my position is between should or not

but when i asked, nobody tell me where the words come from and ask me not to think that matter again

saying is easy, but who know how hard to forget it

i just wish i could like other girl who don't care what people said

swear,i really want

sometimes i really scared to believe a person that would hurt me, will he ?

he's nice n care towards me, he put his time to work n me

all i want, he'll try to make it for me. n he also not a guy that unfilial to his parents

just because sometimes his bad tempered n he is a very jealousy n sensitive person

and i am a stubborn person

he like to say he's not as important as my friend

that's why we often quarrel

not i am at his side. all i said is truth.

i said to him a relationship need Trust

but i realized i also not trust him because of some matter

i can see his effort. but i just scared it's all a fake
i really want to give up sometimes but is it worthy ? 
so so tired ........

i'm too stupid to worry so many things. i hate to pretend like nothing

it's toughful, i wonder who can understand my feeling now

i really feel better after i type it down all

how great if i can ask GOD some question about him

did he ever lied me or will he lie me ?

did he really love me ?

will he make me disappointed ?

does he really like what people said ?
 \

i know GOD can't answer me, just the time prove everything </3